For A Better Tomorrow

Oh man. I am such a lazy person! Okay, well not that lazy. I have been a bit busy lately and will be for the next month as I am now moving out of my place! I haven’t had much time to think about updating this blog lately, and for that I apologize for those who spend their time coming to this site. Thanks cheerdad!

Changes

I’ve come to a realization that life is all about coping with changes. All you wiser and older people are probably laughing at me for just realizing that. Yeah so what, my life was a lot smaller a just a few years ago . I have lived at this house pretty much my entire childhood and now, I am about to leave it all behind me. I have been living on my own ever since I was 20-21 years old, but I have always felt like a kid behind these walls. I feel like no matter what I do in life, if I still live here, I will always be a kid. I guess I become a little sad when I walk down my hallway at night and find myself reminiscing the days when I had 10 dogs running through my house. I then go into a trance and start to think about the days when I was running around the house with all my childhood friends. I don’t know how to really explain what I am feeling right now but I guess it’s a combination of strangeness, happiness, and sadness all put together. I’m happy that I get to move on and get out here, but I am sad that everything that I have ever done in this house will be nothing more but a distant memory.

Memories

Memories are becoming more like dreams as I grow older. When you think back at something that you have done in the past, the visual of it looks exactly like a dream. When I tell a story about my past experiences to someone, I honestly feel like I’m telling them my dream. I guess that’s what makes me even sadder. As I grow older, I feel like everything that has meant a lot to me in the past is now slowly fading away from my memory. When you “enjoy” a moment in your life, you usually try to remember every single moment of it, but as time starts to fly by, you find yourself only remember bits and pieces of that memory. Eventually, that memory starts to get mixed in with your dreams because dreams are told in bits and pieces.

Humiliation

Imagine a time when you were embarrassed in front of everybody. I remember studering my lines when I was doing a school play front of a class full of fine women. At the time, that was probably the worse day of my life (laughs). I think back at these moments quite often and I find myself chuckling about it always. Now that I am an adult, I can “logically” think about these moments, and eventually realize that NOBODY IN THE WORLD knows about it except for me. So in the end, the humiliating feeling that I have inside of myself is only there because I created it. It is being triggered by a memory or … was it…a dream?

Perspectives

As an adult, I try to think in many different perspectives. A good example of this is trying to imagine what life will be like 5 years down the line. I want to try to imagine how I would just “reminisce” the days of when I was living at my childhood house (which is this house I am in right now). In fact, I can picture myself imagining this very moment right now writing in this blog. I can imagine my future self remembering bits and pieces of it and later come to realize that what I am thinking about will soon be nothing but a distant memory.

I went apartment shopping with my roommate and he was talking about how he’ll miss his last two years living here. He said that the next place he lives in is going to be like a “new chapter” in his life. In many ways, I agree with him and I definitely feel the same way except I think about it as if it was the next “season” T.V. show. The only problem for me though is that I feel like I’m at the very end of a long T.V. show that is about to be canceled if that makes any sense. If anything new happens beyond this, it definitely has to be a spin off of some sort and not a new “chapter” or any sort of sequel lol. Now I’m rambling….

Poker Update

I’m taking some shots at the high stakes NL1k games now. I hope and pray that that will be my new home and my new “job”. I have spent a ton of time at NL400, so I guess I have a slight emotional attachment to that level and will miss it. That level has kept me alive the past two years of my dramatic experiences. While I wish I could be like the other young players who just moves up in limits at an amazing speed; I still have to consider the fact that everyone’s life cards are dealt differently. I learned that even though my life went through some speed bumps, I have to still be very fortunate and thankful for being where I’m at right now. Life has it’s downswings, and you’ve just got to deal with it like how you deal with poker. I just hope that I don’t run into another “life” downswing anytime soon or ever hehe.