For A Better Tomorrow

HAH, I’m just kidding. I give up poker for this month only. There is no way in hell that I’d give up this game. But I must admit, I went through some serious shit this month. I know that I have talked about some crazy dry streaks in the past, but this time, I went through a crazy major downswing. If poker patterns was still working for me, I’d post up a graph but unfortunately it doesn’t.
I have not mention this in this blog but I recently attempted my abilities for 6 handed NL holdem. At first, I did great, in fact, I went up 20 buyins the first week I attempted 6 handed. I felt great, but I just knew deep down inside that I was getting lucky due to what I was seeing happening at the tables. I just knew it was too good to be true. And it was, as the following week, I lost 12.5 buyins. I was absolutely crushed because I ran into situations where I honestly did not know what to do. There is a big difference between full ring and short handed. I felt that I was being taken advantage by many of the short handed regulars. After that I decided to go back to full ring to try and rebuild. This is where I ran into problem #2, due to the fact that I was putting time into 6 handed, I was unable get to put in enough time to full ring. Overall, I ran terrible at both tables. In full ring, I broke even at 15k hands. But since I put some time in experimenting 6 handed, I basicallly neglected the time that I really needed in full ring.

This was what I have been worried about from the very beginning. I knew that if I were to attack 6 handed, I’d lose the time to put in more hands in full ring and if my experiment in 6 handed was not successful, I know that it’ll affect my full ring results.

At the beginning, I was faced with some choices of whether or not I should attack a new game (6 handed). I spent an entire week of debating. I spoke with many friends and in conclusion, I went with the idea that I should not be afraid. So I attacked it. As a result, I have about 15k hands in 6 handed experiment and only 12k hands of full ring.
I’m sorry if I am confusing you with my rant but it’s kinda complicated right now. Recently, I received one of the worst downswings every in my life. I remember playing NL100 and getting a 12.5 buyin downswing that included some bad plays. I am embarrassed to admit that I recently repeated the same downswing in a Nl400 game (full ring and short handed). Therefore, I am taking the rest of the month off.

I honestly don’t want to carry on this tilt to the month of May. At first, I felt like I can overcome it. I wanted to keep playing to prove that I had control of the game and that I can overcome a downswing. But the results made me really believe that I couldn’t, the more I played, the more I saw repeating unlucky situations occurring. It was just never ending.

I am up for the month still, only because I decided to quit poker for the rest of the month. I guess I have no choice but to stick to full ring until my lawsuits are over with. It is imperative that I have a net income coming in every month. I tried to move up but given my circumstance, the risk is just too emotionally devastating. When I am free, I will attack the higher levels in poker without being too scared. I ran into some players that I knew were very good in 6 handed, and to be honest, I was intimidated. At this point, I cannot be experimenting with players who have been successful in 6 handed for that past year.

I was faced with some difficult decisions as of late from my bad run. At one point, I honestly did not know if I should stop playing. I felt like I was a god and that I can continue on tiltless. One night, I was playing for 7 hours and ended up losing 6 buyins. I wanted to continue playing to overcome but deep down inside, another voice was telling me to stop. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I keep playing to overcome the bad beats? Or should I take a break? Obviously, I continued playing and received the same damn results. Nothing was just going well for me. I later realized that I should just take the entire week off to evaluate. I really hate doing this as I feel like I’m only postponing my losing streak.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my game lately. I must admit that I am running into a lot of bad streaks lately. And because of this, I am going to admit that it is my own fault. There is something about the game that I do not know. I know that there is much more to learn in this game, and I will find a way to seek it. I think one of the most important skills to acquire as a player is to be able to admit that the bad streaks are due to the fact that you are not playing your “A game”.

“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”
- Vince Lombardi

72 days left until what you ask? Transformers the movie!

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted about a movie. Since Michael Bay is one of my favorite directors in terms of visual and cinematography, I figure I’d write up about this film. A friend of mine asked me recently what my thoughts are on this movie, I told him “I’m not sure, all of Michael Bay’s movie trailers are AWESOME”. But obviously, not all of his movies are awesome lol. I like Michael Bay because of his ability to grab the general audience’s attention with his trailers. The worst trailer was The Island - and that ended up being his first flop ever. Well, Pearl Harbor is a flop too but it did break box because of it’s excellent marketing and astonishing movie trailer.

I’ve always been a hardcore fan of some storyline, whether it’s a game or a movie. I was very disappointed in Terminator 3 and I will be very picky about how Hollywood would do a Solid Snake movie, if that were to ever happen. Many fans of Solid Snake would only want Hideo Kojima to direct a Solid Snake film, and many would want it to be in it’s original CGI. A live version of Solid Snake would look like a complete copy of a Bond film. But the CGI delivers something in the Solid Snake character that separates him from Bond. Anyway, the reason I brought this up is because I do feel for the fans of Transformers and their complaints about Michael Bay directing it. They’re worried that Michael Bay will ruin their childhood cartoon show. Again, Transformer fans, I do understand where you’re all coming from.

But let me say something about the Transformers movie and the fans. These fans have got to understand, Transformers is DEAD. It was a successful show in the 80s and nobody has really paid attention to it ever since. Michael Bay is simply trying to revive it and deliver it to the newer generation. One of the toughest things to accomplish as a director is to please the general audience and the fans/community on a particular story. This is the challenge for the directors of all the comic book movies. Final Fantasy: Spirits From Within only targeted the general western audience and failed to please the fans of Final Fantasy. If Hideo Kojima does indeed retire from the Solid Snake Series, and it dies out for the next 20 years, I wouldn’t complain as much if a new director decides to step up and try to revive the storyline. But that is not the case right now for Solid Snake. I swear, Hideo Kojima can make 5 more Solid Snake titles and it’ll still be damn good. James Cameron could’ve made two more Terminator movies and it’ll still be damn good. But the interruption of newer minds destroyed the chance that any new potential for the Terminator series. I guess this is what the fans of Transformers are worried about. But face it guys, it’s over. If Michael Bay does not direct it, Transformers would be left dead for another few years until another director grabs hold of it.And seriously guys, I know Pearl Harbor was bad but come on, Michael Bay is the current action popcorn director. He knows how to give your eyes an orgasm when you’re in the theater. He’s like a rockstar director. He’ll say things like “This is going to be fucking cool.”

But again, I’m not sure if Transformers will be good. I know it’ll destroy the box office that’s for damn sure.  Those trailers are just way too sexy. But will the movie itself be amazing? I doubt it, but I want to be wrong here. I can say this though, with Michael Bay’s directing, I’m sure it’ll have cool visuals, cinematography, direction, and action sequences. But as for storyline?   I’m a bit skeptical there.  And truthfully this is what the fans should really be worried about.  The factor should not be the director, rather it should be that their show is going to be condensed into a two hour movie.  There are many characters in transformers and like X-Men, it’ll be hard to develop everybody.  This here should be the real problem, and not the director.  So please, shut up already.   The movie has potential, and that potential all comes down to the storyline.

“This is by far the most action I have ever put into a movie” - Michael Bay

Just when I find a smooth path to climb the mountain, I get hit by something that adds on to my emotional stress. To be honest, I don’t even want to say it right now. This whole situation is just soo bad that I don’t even want to think about it anymore. While I wish I can go into detail on my blog about it, I just don’t want to until things are over. Plus, I feel like I’m using this blog to get people to feel sorry for me, which is obviously the last thing I want.

I’m really tired of all these stupid entries about my suffering through real life problems. I’m tired of having to write so many of these. The last one, I told myself it would be the last. But more shit just keeps coming up and it’s out of my hands. Which lead me to a lot of thinking lately about life.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if you have problems that you can control in life, then consider yourself very lucky.

Here are some examples:
1) Addicted to Gambling
2) Addicted to Drugs
3) having a shitty job and wanting to make more money
4) Money problems
5) Girl Problems
6) Not being satisfied with career
7) Weight problem

blah blah, I can go on and on but you get the point. I believe that the above that I have listed are problems that can be controlled. They’re like the leaks in your poker game that you can fill up if you work hard at it enough.

The unfortunate problems are ones that are out of our control. I often feel bad for those who are diagnose with cancer or those who experience a critical accident that completely damaged some part of their body. These are definitely the bad beats situations. I am fortunate not to have suffered through any of that, but I am in a situation in my life - and for the first time, I have no control over it.

My point being, is that what ever problems you have, you should really think about whether or not you have control over it. Can you excercise? Can you work hard to get promoted? Can you make more money? Can you decide on what you want to be in life? Can you leave your gf if she’s cheating on you? Can you study harder and make better grades? Of course. These “minor problems” are minor because they are in your control. You can fix them if you really really wanted to.

I guess I’m saying that a real problem in life is one that is out of your control. The only way to deal with it is just to “deal with it”. And go through with it and hope for the best. Sometimes accepting it as part of your life is good in that it’ll help you move on emotionally. While it is unfortunate, just like a bad beat in poker, the best you can do is suck it up.

I was thinking the other day about how we live in the “real” life and these things do not happen in the movies. Sure, it seems that the movies tend to have a lot of happy endings, and everyone tends to hope that their problems will end like a movie. I find myself thinking the opposite hoping that my life is NOT like a movie for a couple of reasons. I believe that there are times in a movie where the unluckiness is really exaggerated. Some movies try really hard to convey that “bad things happen to good people” - whenever they want the movie to be “realistic”. There are many movies like this but the first one that comes to my mind is Million Dollar Baby.

*Spoiler Warning* That movie is definitely “realistic” but the tragedy was very “exaggerated” in some sense. I can understand that she can work really hard to become a great boxer and then get paralyzed is reasonable. But to show the careless family, and the opponent who did that to her by taking cheap shots when the ref is not looking is very disheartening. The movie really tries “too hard” to piss off the audience. There are many movies like this, and you can all think about it. Another one that comes to my mind is Higher Learning and the recent Crash.

Don’t get me wrong, Million Dollar Baby is a great movie, but what I’m saying is that real life is not necessarily all that unlucky. Sometimes I can paranoid by thinking that way. For example, I’d be less inclined to get into a fight because what if I punched the guy and he landed on a rock and broke his neck and died? Or I punched the guy and missed but when he dodged my punch, he fell onto the table broke a bottle of Heineken and cuts himself in the throat? This can easily happen because of some misunderstanding like being shoved because he thought I was someone else. As a result, my life is now placed in the hands of the court and jury.

The reason I mention this is because that’s what’s been going on my mind lately. I’m an avid film watcher, so I keep replaying my endings as if the worst things in the world can happen. I then realize that I need to take a step back and remind myself that this is the “real” world. The fact that it’s the real world, it can happen but it’s unlikely. I also need to stray away from thinking that so many great things will happen after my problems. I somewhat think about them a lot because it helps me feel positive. But again, this is the real world, and there is a borderline to thinking about happy and sad endings. Anyways, I’m going to end it there as this entry seems to be going nowhere, but I hope that these thoughts in my mind are somewhat worth thinking about. For those who are going through difficult times, you should really ask yourself if your problems are controllable. Because if they are, you should really ask yourself if your situation is a “problem”. Because in the real world, there are problems that can occur that will never be in your control. And honestly, I am pretty scared of them.

“There are many things in life that are out of our control, but we still have to face them everyday. This being the case, we must then work to conquer these challenges one by one. And when you’ve overcome these challenges you often quickly forget about them” - Jet Li

I’m back from Hawaii. I had a great time, although I did not do many things that I wanted to, I did accomplish doing what I had planned…and that is to relax and just enjoy the moment. I went with my buddy (currently I’m trying to teach him how to be a professional poker player) and a few of his friends. While it was a short trip, I was able to succeed in doing what I wanted to get done. By the end of the trip, I really wanted to get back to reality and get back to work. I think my heart is really set on that. I realize that it’ll be difficult for me to want to take a 2 week + vacation as I have the tendency to want to get back to playing.

While being on this trip, I am definitely proud of myself about something that I find is unhealthy. Yet, it is in a sense, a good thing when I think about it. I guess in the end, i find myself not being satisfied with my situation. Vacation is definitely something I believe every poker player needs, but for me, I was dying to come back home to get back to playing. I really feel like things are not complete yet. I have not gone on a real vacation for many years. In San Fransico, I was still pumping my 40 hours a week and just chilling at night. But in Hawaii, I decided to leave my laptop at home in order to enjoy a good week vacation. It felt great, but again, in the end, I’m dying to get back to reality - although that sounds unhealthy, I believe it’s a good thing to have in mind.

One of the important things that I mentioned to my friend who is trying to succeed in poker is passion. I told him that I can help him when he needs help. I can talk to him about poker all he wants. I can advise him and discuss with him every situation in poker. And I also told him, that if there comes a time where we can’t find an answer, I can always do research to help him clarify his situation. The one thing that I cannot help him with is his ability to “want to play poker”. I told him that I can only show him the door and anything that happens after that is solely up to him. I told him that I cannot put the passion of the game into him, he has to do it himself. I told him that he needs to live, breathe, drink, eat, think, smoke, inhale, hug, inject, and love poker. Why? because that is what worked best for me..

In relation to this zeejustin post:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/3088337/page/0/fpart/1

I’m going to tell you all right now. I am not an “intelligent” person according to that post. Zeejustin says that an “intelligent” person is one that would do well on the SATs. Well, I hate to admit this, but I did a shitty job on the SATs, so bad that I am embarrassed to admit how I did. I am never good at taking tests, and I bet that I would do terrible at an IQ test. What Zeejustin is referring to is high stakes poker though. I’m currently not at the level of a high stakes player, but I am holding my own in the middle stakes full ring games. This post somewhat intimidated me especially when I’m thinking about moving up. But, I can’t let something like that destroy my opportunities. Why? again because I believe that if you love the game enough, everything will fall into place.

I guess this is something you all should think about. I think that upcoming poker players should not be so intimidated by the currently successful people in poker. Yeah yeah, Stu Ungar is one of a kind and he has photographic memory. Okay so what, a person like Zeejustin, Green Plastic, Sbrugby, Spirit Rock are “geniuses”. I’m going to look beyond that folks and I think you should too. In the end, it really depends on how much hard work you put into the game. The players that I just named, are not just “geniuses”, they are extremely hard workers. And I can guarantee that their success comes from passion more than anything else.

So I don’t think you should worry if you are “intelligent” enough to succeed at poker.  What you should worry about is if you are in love with the game enough.

“I never did a day’s work in my life.  It was all fun.” - Thomas Edison

A beautiful scenery is what I’m craving for right now. I’m sort of tired of staring at my cool looking wallpapers, so I’m going to head to HAWAII this week for a “real” scenery! I’m packing right now and looking forward to my short trip. I don’t want to take too long of a trip so I’ll be back soon. This will definitely be a healing process because I will be away from my computer. I told myself not to bring my laptop so that I don’t find myself late at night in my hotel room wanting to play some poker. I hope it’ll be a fun trip. The greatest thing about being a poker player is to be able to take a break WHENEVER YOU WANT. This week is just pure relaxation.